Stories Good Luck Mr. Gorsky When Apollo astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usually com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. But, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" Apparently a true story. 
Zingers Q: What separates flight attendants from the scum of the earth? A: The cockpit door! Q: What is the difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine? A: The jet engine stops whining at the gate Q: How does a blind parachutist know when he's about to hit the ground? A: His guide dog's leash goes slack. Q: How does the Airbus A340 manage to climb? A: By the bend of the earth! Q: Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ? A: Did you ever fly with Alitalia ? Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew? ....... A: A pilot and a dog...the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything. Q: How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him. Q: How do you know if there is a pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you. Q: What do pilots use for birth control? A: Their personality. One liners-Airline captain: "If only I made as much money as people think I make, had as much time off as my neighbours think I have and had as much fun on stopovers as my wife thinks I have". -Sign seen at refueling point: WARNING Do not operate any radio transmitter within 100 metres of the pumps. If your life is not worth anything..... the fuel is! -Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds. -A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying "Up yours!" -Keep looking around, there's always something you missed. -Remember, you're always a student in an airplane. -Any pilot who does not at least privately consider himself the best in the business...is in the wrong business. -It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible. -Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go. -The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. -The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain. -A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers. -Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory. -The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear handle DOWN.  Pilot to Co-pilot: I'll let you do the pre-flight this time, you need the experience.... German Aviation TermsAIRCRAFT---Der Fliegenwagen JET TRANSPORT---Der Muchen Overgrossen Biggenmother Das Ist Fliegen
Highenfaster Mit All Der Mach Und Flightenlevels. (Built by Boeing) PROPELLER---Der Airfloggen Pushenthruster ENGINE---Der Noisenmaken Pistonpusher Das Turnens Der Airfloggenfan
Pushenthruster JET ENGINE---Der Schreemen Skullschplitten Firespitten Smokenmaken
Airpushenbacken Thrustermaker Mit Compressorsqueezen Und Turbinespinnen
Bladenrotors. (Made by Pratt & Whitney) CONTROL COLUMN---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Schtick RUDDER PEDALS---Der Tailschwingen Yawmaken Werks PILOT---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Tailschwingen Werker PASSENGER---Der Dumbkopf Das Est Strappened En Der Baacken Mit Der Other
Dumbkopfs Das Est Expecten To Leave Undgo On Scheduledtimen Und Arriven mit
Der Luggagebags Somplaceneisen STUDENT PILOT---Der Dumbkopf Das Learnen Fliegen Un Hopen To Jobenfinden Mit
Der Airlinens FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR---Der Timenbuilder Mit Less Den 1000 Hrs
Multienginefliegen. Teachen Dumbkopfs To Fliegen Vile Waitenwatchen Fer Der
Letter Mit Der Joboffering Frum United AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT---Das Grosse Overpaiden Und Under Werken
Whinencomplainer Biggen Schmuck Dat Fliegen Mit Das Big Airlinen PARACHUTE---Der Stringencotten Das Est Usen To Floaten Der Tailschwingen
Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Werker Down To Earthen Ven Der Fliegenwagen Est
Kaputen FAA---Der Friggenfliegen Dumbkopf Schmucks Das Maken Alder Rulens Und
Regulations Helicopter --- Der Flingen Wingen Maschinen mit der Floppen Bladens dot ist
Fliegen by der Dumbkopfs vas iss too Stupiden for Knowen dees Maschinens ees
not Safen ver Fliegen.  ragedy occurred today in College Station, Texas when a Cessna 152 piloted by two Texas AandM graduate students crashed into a cemetery on their final approach to the College Station airport.
At last report over three hundred bodies had been recovered by Texas AandM's crack search and rescue team.
A spokesperson for the rescue team indicated that recovery efforts would continue through the night.
This reporter was impressed that the two students from the downed aircraft were aiding in recovery efforts.
 photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
WALKING THE DOG
A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story.. Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A
DAY WASTED!!! |
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Aviation Quotes and Humor